The Beginning of WomenAlive

Supplies all laid out for Collage Night

Last November I decided to start a group to bring together all the amazing women that I know here in Victoria. I decided to call it WomenAlive. My vision was to create a group through which women could get to know each other in a meaningful way, having deeper conversations than sometimes we have during our rushed and hectic lives. And of course, I wanted us to have fun! I envisioned that we’d have some events at people’s homes, and some events out in the community doing things that we don’t normally get a chance to do on our own or actually make the effort to undertake for ourselves.

In short, I wanted another excuse to live the kind of life I myself want to live, and I wanted to bring together other women who might want to do the same thing. And I’m so pleased to say, it’s totally worked so far!

The first event was at my house in November, where about 20 women came together to mix, mingle, have a few beverages and generally get to know each other. We spent a lot of time going around the room and – one by one – answering questions that I had made up beforehand on little cards. We each drew a card and answered questions like:

• “What is one thing you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done yet?”
• “If your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would it be?”
• “How would you spend the perfect afternoon?”
• “If you could be the best in the world at any one thing, would would it be?”

And so on. It was amazing. Right away the group was honest, open, full of life and laughter. Some vulnerabilities surfaced, and everyone was supportive, connective and great. It was amazing.

Since that night we’ve had two other events: a Walking Pilgrimage earlier this month with Nicole Moen, and a Collage Night last night at my house. While very different events, both left me feeling energized and happy. The group is turning into exactly what I want it to be.

My vision is that even though WomenAlive may grow in size, we will keep the numbers of each individual event small so that people can connect better with each other. This is not a networking group, it’s meant to go deeper. Friendships are developing! And for the most part, we really don’t talk about work. Right now, there are about 40 women in the group, either people that I know or people who know someone else in the group. While we are taking new members, it’s by referral only. We connect through a Facebook group ostensibly, but the real connections happen at the events. A running group has even started because of WomenAlive!

I’m going through life trying to figure out ways to build community and this is one of them. Doing things like this helps me feel alive, so hence the name. I can’t wait to dream up our next events!

If you are a friend or acquaintance of mine in Victoria and you’re interested in joining WomenAlive, please ask me. For the rest of you, I encourage you to start groups in your own area such as this! Just think about it…what would it take for you to feel really alive?

 

My word for 2012

I’ve been reading a few blog posts lately about people choosing words to guide themselves throughout the year. I like the sound of this. The idea is to choose one word to keep in mind about something that I’d like to be, have, do. Something that I want to remember to remind myself about when life gets busy and I get caught up in a whirlwind. To have the kind of year I want to have.

In the late part of 2011 I realized one thing: I haven’t been having enough fun. There are likely a few reasons for this but the cost of living here in our beautiful city has a lot to do with it. Honestly, it costs so much to keep our roof over our head here that it doesn’t leave much room for other types of expenses. When I realized, after tracking my expenses using an iPhone app the entire month of November, that what we were spending on “Entertainment” was shockingly low (I mean less than $50), I realized that we have to start doing something to change this. We need to have more fun.

And so my word for this year is ENJOY.

Given what I said earlier about expenses, my challenge will be to find ways to enjoy myself this year that don’t cost a lot of money. I want to try to remember and recapture the things that give me joy. Music, art, fashion, travel … I’ve let some of these things go by the wayside a little bit over the past few years of parenting and busyness. I’d like to do more.

And so, to enjoy myself this month I’ll be going for a 90 minute massage (thanks to health benefits and a saved birthday present from last year), going on a walking pilgrimage, getting acupuncture, holding a collage night for my women’s group, and joining a choir – for a start. And you’ll likely see me using my blog to talk about them. I’ve said before that blogging keeps my feet to the fire to do fun things in my life…it’s time to recapture that. I think it’s also time to dig out the rest of my Year of New ideas that I didn’t have time to finish when I did that blog project too! I had so much fun that year. I still have to go zip-lining and more…

And so, in 2012 it’s time for me to ENJOY. What will you be focusing on for 2012? If you had to choose one word for the year, what would it be?

If you don’t have a will you should be scared as hell

A couple of months ago my husband and I sat down with someone and did a very important thing. It was something we had been *meaning to do* for more than three years now and had just never gotten around to it.

We made a will.

Do you have one? If you own property or have young children, you should. Actually, to be perfectly frank: if you don’t have a will you should be scared as hell and run out and get one soon. I don’t think that we were scared enough ourselves that we didn’t have a will. We should have been. Dying without a will in place is not a good idea.

First off, let me ask you two questions:

1. Do you care who your assets go to if you die?
2. Do you care who becomes your child’s (or children’s) guardian if you die?

Our answers to both of these questions was a resounding YES. And having a will now means that we have made legally-binding decisions to take care of both of those issues if and when the time comes.

In November 2010 The BC Notaries Society found that only 51% of BC adults had a will in place – a shocking number, really. Why is that? Are we lazy? Do we trust too much in the system? Are we too busy to make time to do this stuff even though we know it’s important? Yes, it’s probably a little of all those answers. It was for us for sure.

We went to a notary to create our will, and she was quite helpful. Of course, she had been through the process many times before with other clients and was good guide for us along the way. It didn’t take that much time (just two meetings) and it forced my husband and I to have some good “what if…?” sort of conversations. I must admit that it was a somewhat unsettling process, and I did have a tear come to my eye once or twice thinking about the worst case scenarios, but it was all worth it in the end. We walked out of the notary’s office with a will AND a long list of other “to do” items and questions around our deaths that we knew we had to take care of right away.

I know the holidays may not be the right time to think about death and wills, but really – when is? The timing doesn’t have to be right. We put off making a will for far too long – scarily long – and time just went by. If you haven’t yet made a will, don’t put it on your New Year’s resolution list, just make the call now and set up an appointment for early January with a notary or lawyer that you know. If you have to, scare yourself into doing by imagining the worst: if you and your partner died this Christmas, what would happen to your children? I’m sure you’d like the chance to choose their guardian and determine how your estate gets divided and settled – a will will do it.

If I’ve got you thinking, here’s some light reading to get you going:

What Happens When You Die Without A Will

A house for Gingy

I realized tonight that I hadn’t yet posted a photo of this year’s gingerbread house (yes, it’s a family tradition) so I thought I better rectify that situation right away, in case people were on pins and needles about it. Hee hee.

Well I think this might be the best of the last three years, if I do say so myself! After the pitiful excuse for a house that I put together in 2009 (where I broke my rolling pin making it) there was nowhere to go but up. Although I do admit that the photo above is showing this version’s good side! I sort of muffed up the other roof side, trying to put my daughter’s initials in Smarties on it and still trying to have the “eaves look”.

Maybe next year will be the keeper! (Not sure what I’m worried about though, we do end up smashing them all to smithereens in the end … and they all taste the same!)

Check out 2009′s version and 2010′s version and let me know what you think – which is the winner? Mmm, can’t wait to get at this one on Christmas eve. My favourite part is the Smartie-laden edges…yum!

 

A lot of what I think about Christmas

My mom was tagged to do this Christmas meme so I thought I’d pick it up and do it as well. It brought back some happy memories, that’s for sure! If you decide to do it too, let me know.

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?

Both, either, or. I could also add in Bailey’s here, as well as chocolate-laced coffee. Yum. There really aren’t many bad drinks at Christmas!

Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?

Does anyone’s Santa not wrap presents? This is curious to me.

Coloured lights on tree/house or white?

Our indoor tree has coloured lights. Our outdoor display could use a little work, and it’s a mixture of white and coloured. This year I wanted to surprise my daughter with it, but when we drove up the house in the dark on the day that I put them up she was nonplussed. The neighbour’s house was better in her eyes. Because they had red lights!  (I’m not surprised.)

Do you hang mistletoe?

I’m not sure I’ve ever hung mistletoe. It seems to be one of those “going by the wayside” sort of things.

When do you put your decorations up?
I think we did it November 30th this year; I felt the pressure of the advent calendar start approaching. Really, I had meant to do it earlier…not sure where the time went!

What is your favourite holiday dish?
I probably have two favourite holiday dishes, not that I’ve ever thought much about this. For the past several years we’ve been making Citrus-Cream Cheese Pull-Apart Rolls to eat on Christmas morning. They’re supposed to be light but they still are sugary, icing-y, cranberry-y and delicious! The second is probably the turkey stuffing recipe that we got passed down to us by my husband’s mother. It’s pretty much the best stuffing I’ve ever eaten.

Favourite Holiday memory as a child?
Many things come to mind here but I’ll name three. The first is coming down the stairs on Christmas morning and turning my head toward the front living room, and seeing everything magically laid out before me: the crackling fireplace, the stockings bursting with tiny delights, the mound of gaily-wrapped presents, snow lying about outside (more often than not) – wonderful!

I also have fond memories of the large family Christmases we used to have when my grandparents were still alive on my mom’s side. They had 13 kids, kids’ spouses, and tons of grandkids, yet they still bought presents for everyone (in the early days, before the grandkids started having kids!) Christmas to me means big crowds of family members getting together, laughing and carrying on, kids running everywhere. Eventually the family got too big for anyone’s house and a hall had to be rented. It could never hold a candle to those early Christmases opening presents in “the farm’s” basement though, sometimes trying on “old school” white roller skates too big for our feet and taking them for a spin around the room!

My third memory also involves family and singing carols around the piano. I mean everyone’s family sings carols in four-part harmony with various family members taking their turns accompanying at the piano, don’t they?  Lucky for me, this practice isn’t actually just a distant memory but one that still takes place every year and one I get to take part in when I’m home for the holidays.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I have no idea but I bet my big brother Kevin spilled the beans!

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
No, we never have. We always tried to cajole our parents into doing this though, I’m not sure it ever worked. I’ve carried on the “Oh, let’s just open one present!” half-joking sentence with my husband! (He never goes for it.)

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Usually we have a bit of Bailey’s to sweeten the practice but this year we haven’t yet bought our Christmas bottle. We do put on the Christmas music though and I, in particular, reminisce about where I got each ornament (if I can remember) as I put them on the tree. This year Chelsea was a great “helping hand” and we put the small, beaded candy cane that she made at daycare right next to the small, beaded wreath that I made (at church?) when I was a little girl. Sweet.

Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it. It just doesn’t seem like Christmas without it.

Can you ice skate?
Yes, but I do need to usually crash into the boards to stop. That’s what I get for skating every six years (or less) I guess! It’s been a long time since my early figure-skating days growing up in my small town.

Do you remember your favourite gift?
Nothing comes to mind in terms of something commercial, but my favourite gift is really having all the people that I love in the room at the same time and place at the holidays.

What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Being with people I love, laughing and having fun. Oh, and slipping Terry’s chocolate orange slices into my coffee or chai latte! (We discovered that little delicious sin last year.)

What is your favourite Holiday Dessert?
A new favourite is definitely the Oatmeal Pecan Pie that I tried out for the first time last year. It’s going to be a keeper for sure. I always make gingerbread every year as well, these past few years it’s been as a house.

What is your favourite holiday tradition?
Playing Christmas carols on the piano, only the ones I like unless someone else is singing along.

What tops your tree?
An angel which lights up, she’s gorgeous.

Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
I think I love to give more than receive. The best part is the whole lead-up to the holiday season where I leisurely comb the stores to find items which I think my family will like. I never participate in the last minute buying rush of the season, can’t stand the crowds. Of course I love to receive presents too but I think I receive more joy out of seeing if the gift I have given is well-received.

What is your favourite Christmas Song?
I think probably The Christmas Song, also known as Chestnuts Roasting By an Open Fire. I can really “rock” that one on the piano! I like to play all the ones with feeling, not the “Two Front Teeth” sort of ones.

Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
If I were forced to eat them I wouldn’t mind, but I definitely would choose chocolate over candy canes any day. We never buy them.

Favourite Christmas Show?
Holiday Inn has been my favourite “old school” Christmas movie for years. I’ve probably watched it at least 50 times. In the past few years I’ve started to enjoy The Holiday, and a friend reminded me about Love Actually this year as well, which I am watching tonight.

Saddest Christmas Song
Pretty Paper, hands down. There’s nothing happy about homelessness at Christmas. (Wow, cruddy note to end on! Someone needs to add a better question here at the end!) Wait, maybe it can be me…

Where’s the Best Place You’ve Ever Spent Christmas?
I like to be home for Christmas now with my husband and daughter, but there was one memorable year down South with my parents when we had to eat Chinese food for Christmas because the power went out at our condo unit and we couldn’t cook our turkey!